The Stupendous Adventures Of ElBaradeiMan!

"Help!", screamed the terrified young woman as her armed assailants inched ever closer, brandishing long knives that glinted in the sparse light of the dark alley.

"Won't somebody help me?!", she repeated, backing into the brick wall behind her.

Suddenly there was a crash of lightning and a seemingly disembodied voice, clear as thunder and strong of purpose, bellowed loudly: "Unhand that woman, you fiends!"

The two thugs reeled around in shock to find none other than the muscular silhouette of ElBaradeiMan standing behind them, his arms crossed in front of his bulging chest!

"Oh, ElBaradeiMan! I knew you'd rescue me!", the fair maiden cried out.

Gathering themselves somewhat, the thugs asked ElBaradei tauntingly: "Oh yeah? Or what?"

ElBaradeiMan uncrossed his arms and with a satisfied grin across his face, he answered: "Or I will be forced to consider issuing you a strongly worded written warning discouraging you from continuing your present course of action!"

The two thugs were caught off guard and after a moment turned to look at eachother with the bewildered look of two guys who went camping for the weekend and woke up in the morning with condoms stuck up their asses and no recollection of how they got there.

"You fucking prick," muttered the maiden in distress, as she grabbed her forehead in disbelief.

After having a good laugh, the thugs kicked ElBaradeiMan in the shin, gave him an atomic wedgie and put him head-first into a trashcan, after which they proceeded to rob and rape the young woman, fixed up on crack with the proceeds of their criminal endeavours and ended up many years later running a small Bait & Tackle shop together somewhere on the outskirts of Gainsville, Florida, before they both died in what the local police came to call the Mother Of All Gun-Cleaning Accidents.

The End.